


Finding What Was Taken

by TheGirlWithGlasses



Category: Michael Jackson (Age Regression)
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Bed-Wetting, Breastfeeding, Discipline, Fluff, Gen, Little Headspace, Temper Tantrums, Thumb-sucking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:21:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24798343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGirlWithGlasses/pseuds/TheGirlWithGlasses
Summary: Being Michael Jackson is easier said than done. Fans demanding your heart, press trying to tear you down, a father criticizing your every move! It's time like this it's good to have a friend who understands. Kiara Wafula, (half african-half japanese) is one of Michael's closet friends and biggest cheerleaders. Always ready to help, she's more than willing to help Michael when she discovers his even more adorable, but a real handful, little side.
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time posting this kind of fiction, so if you got suggestions for improvement please comment. As far as why I wrote it, I like little headspace fiction and felt that Mike was a perfect candidate for it. And since I couldn't find anything like it on Archive or anywhere else... Well, create the things you wish to see. So enjoy the story! And if there is MJ litttle headspace and I'm just not seeing it, please let me know. One so I can enjoy reading it, and two so I'm not accidentally ripping someone off. Plagiarism is the ultimate sin of any writer. Intentional or not.

**Chapter 1**

“Ki? Ki? Kiara? KIARA? Wake up please.”

Ki groaned when a familiar whiny voice pleaded for her to wake up. She’d purposefully chose to nap in the furthest guest room she could find, but the insistent pokes to her spine and neck proved how futile that had been.

“Kiara (poke) Kiara (poke) Kiara (poke) Kiara.....”

“Michael Jackson, if you poke me one more time I’ll make you regret it,” she bit. A light giggle sounded before a body bounced on top of hers with an even louder giggle. Kiara could only laugh herself as she sat up and faced her best friend. Kiara Wafula had known Michael since she was 19 years old and he was 27. Her mother, now happily retired, had been part of the original staff member team when Michael bought Neverland in ‘87. Her mother had worked mostly in the kitchen, but did help clean around the house. 

Still in college at the time, and struggling to pay what her scholarship couldn’t, Kiara had been heavily guilty that her mother was cleaning someone else’s floors to help her with tuition. And with how secretive the woman had been about who she’d been working for, Kiara became even more suspicious. Putting her foot down, Kiara finally demanded her mother to tell her who exactly she was working for and whether that person was being fair. Imagine her shock coming home from class the next day to find her mother having tea with a famous pop star.

Michael, who Kiara learned was adorably shy, had greeted her politely and genuinely assured her he was not letting her mother work past her limits. In fact, from how well Michael got on with her, Kiara clearly saw that he valued her mother more for her company than work. Michael often getting in her mother’s way with his constant check-ins and begs to rest herself and sit down. 

“He’s like a puppy tugging at your pants legs sometimes,” Kiara’s mother teased, making Michael blush. After that, Kiara took to visiting Neverland after class often. She’d tried to convince herself it was just to see how her mother was doing at work. But barely an hour would pass and she would be off with Michael doing lord knows what around the ranch. The both of them running around like hyperactive eight year olds high on sugar. Her friend Kathy, the only one in her limited friend circle who knew about her mother’s job, more than once tried to insinuate Kiara and Michaels relationship was more than just friends. And it was, just not the way Kathy once thought. 

“Want to go swimming?” Michael chirped with a bounce.

“Nope,” Kiara smirked.

“Carousel?” 

“Nope.”

“Trampolines?”

“Hmmmm...Nope.”

“Then what? I want to do something! I want to do something NOW!”

She rolled her eyes when he kicked his legs with a whiny huff and pouted at her angrily. Michael was definitely the little brother Kiara never had, even if he was eight years older. 

“Well maybe if you hadn’t woken me up I’d want to do something too. But since you did I think I’m going to go home where I CAN sleep,” she teased, sitting back when his eyes widened in fear.

“NO! No I’m sorry Ki. I’m sorry, please don’t leave!”

“Mike?” she took his hand when she saw his eyes gloss over, tears threatening to spill. This reaction wasn't much of a surprise to Kiara. She’d been noticing him getting more clingy for the past couple of months. 

She thought nothing of it at first. Many of his friends were off doing other things, so he was probably just lonely. But this wasn’t the first time he’d gotten upset whenever she tried to leave. The first time was four months ago. She’d spent the day walking around Neverland with him, talking about her self made business. He encouraged her then small business and assured her he’d help it any way he could. She thanked his generosity but, like always, politely turned it away. Dependency was its own kind of addiction, and Kiara was not letting herself fall prey to it anytime soon. It had started to get late and she’d made ready to go home. He’d just ask if she wanted to sleep over. She politely declined and he politely accepted. 

The next time she came he asked her again. But he’d sounded much more vulnerable, desperate even. By that point she’d long noticed something was off. He was isolating himself more and stowing away in his studio for hours on end. One of the maids, Nina, confessing to Kiara that he was wandering the halls at night, sometimes for hours. Knowing this, she’d given into his pleads that time out of sheer worry. She wasn’t sure how to confront him then. Michael did as well with conflict as a politician does with the truth. She didn’t want him to get stubborn and clam up. But any past uncertainty she had quickly flew out the window when she saw the tears forming in the corner of his eyes.

“Hey, hey. Mike don’t cry, don’t cry. You’re okay.”

“I’m sorry Ki. I’m sorry,” he sniffed, wiping his eyes, moaning when more tears started to fall. “I’m sorry I’m being such a baby, and annoying you. If you want to go home you-”

“Michael you are not annoying me,” she said rubbing his palm gently. “And you are not a baby. What’s been going on with you lately? And don’t you dare say ‘nothing’ ‘cuz we both know that’s a lie. Michael, what’s wrong?”

She stiffened when his bottom lip started to quiver. His hands were still wiping at his eyes, but they soon fell to his sides in defeat. A low whine crawled out of his throat before switching to hard sobs. She stared at him dumbly for a few seconds before snapping out of her shock and opening her arms. He flew into them immediately. Head now buried deep into her shoulder, Michael cried like a baby for a good twenty minutes. Kiara shushed and rocked him while shaking her head tiredly. After six years, she’d witnessed many of Michael’s ups and downs and knew he had a tendency to repress his emotions, especially the bad ones. 

_ Hell, I’m no better sometimes _ , she thought.

It was just rare to catch him when these emotions, inevitably, exploded. The fact he was openly sobbing in front of her now was still a shock. She’d seen him cry before, sure. But never this badly. 

“Are you alright?” she asked when his sobs finally quieted. He nodded yes with a loud sniff, whimpering when she gently pulled him off. “Michael, what’s been going on lately? Did someone say something? Did…..did your father say something?”

The mention of his father sent a visible shake through his body. Kiara didn’t meet Joseph until after two years of knowing Michael. Janet telling her later that was more Michael’s doing than Josephs. The life of the whole Jackson family was basic public knowledge, but that didn’t make it all true. If you want the truth, you go to the source. And Kiara had made that clear to Michael the day she met Joseph, and Michael had been doing everything he could to dissuade her. It was no lie Joseph Jackson was an intimidating man. Stern faced, with a clear ‘I don’t like nonsense’ attitude, Kiara knew Joseph had been a very strict parent. And with Michael being such a sensitive soul, well what did one expect? Joseph had openly judged her then 21 year old self with clear suspicion before suggesting/demanding she and him take a walk around the property. Michael seemed ready to puke when she readily agreed and obeyed without question. She and Joseph had spent a good two hours walking around before coming back to a visibly nervous Michael. What did Kiara think of Joseph? 

She liked him!

All throughout their talk, echoes of Kiara’s long dead (and much loved) grandfather kept surfacing in his face.  _ He and Babu would’ve been great friends. _ Joseph was actually very kind, when comfortable, and was very amused with her dry wit and sense of humor. Kiara could sense what was once a large temper in the man souls, but it was very much watered down. All in all, Joseph was simply an old lion who still bit a little too hard, but was tame enough to befriend. That didn’t mean he didn’t have his flaws and vices. Kiara was not at all pleased with the discipline Michael and his siblings received at Joseph’s hands growing up. But unlike the media, she didn’t condemn him for it. Much like her babu, who’d given Kiara plenty of spankings as a toddler, Joseph was just the product of different times and different ways. That didn’t change, or excuse, the damage his actions had caused for his children, especially Michael. Though he tried to hide it, Michael was still easily hurt by his father’s judgement and harsh opinions. And when the two had an argument, an extremely rare event, Michael was quick to shut himself away. 

“J-Joseph didn’t say anything. Not this time,” Michael sniffed. “It was one of Toya’s friends actually. Well, her husband's friend.”

_ Chikushou.  _ (Japanese for: Son of a b*tch.)

Any mention of that man made Kiara bristle. “They said it was weird how I surrounded myself with all this ‘childish nonsense and para-para pho-...”

“Paraphernalia?”

“Yeah, that word. A-am I weird Ki?”

“No you are not,” she said sternly. She motioned him to lay down and began combing his hair with her fingers. His eyes fluttered and drooped almost immediately. “Michael you bring joy to people. And the children you bring here always leave with smiles of happiness and gratitude. You built this place, and you have every right to enjoy it. Mike? Michael?” She smirked when a soft snore answered back. Sliding the covers over them, she flopped onto her own pillow and shut her eyes. Feeling of someone snuggling against her the last she remembered.   


* * *

“Ms. Kiara? Ms. Kiara? Please wake up Ms.”

“Hmmmm, Nina? What time is it?” 

“Three in the morning ma’am.”

Kiara blinked at the maid stupidly before looking at the clock on the dresser. Sure enough, a 3 and two zeros stared back at her. Late night stars shining from the windows only confirming it. 

“I’d normally thank you for waking me up,” Kiara grumbled sitting up. “But not this early. What’s up Nina?” 

“I’m sorry for waking you at this hour Kiara but it's Mr. Jackson. He’s stowed himself away in his studio again. He’s been there since midnight.”

“Well he’s coming out now,” Kiara huffed, getting out of bed. Nina barely hid her relief as she led Kiara to the studio. Michael’s perfectionist work ethic was nothing special. Kiara often found herself working on projects late into the night until early in the morning. But where she could put on the brakes, Michael simply increased speed. If he was touring or had an album to finish up, she’d leave him alone unless he was really pushing himself. But if he had nothing else better to do? 

She was fully prepared to drag him out kicking and screaming when they made it to the studio. Nina hesitated when Kiara told her to go back to bed.

“I’ll get him to bed, don’t worry,” Kiara assured her before going inside. She quickly turned on the lights to get rid of the spooky vibe in the empty room. No surprise, she spied Mike from the window that separated the recording room from the live room. He was on the floor in the corner, back turned, doing something she couldn’t see. Moving closer to the window, she spied an open box of crayola crayons next to him.  _ Crayons? What the..? _

She didn’t realize she was walking in until the door made a very noticeable _CREAK_. Michael turned around fast enough to give anyone whiplash. Inside now, she could clearly see what he was doing. Scattered pieces of white paper littered the floor in front of him. Each of them were covered in very rudimentary drawings of dogs, cats, cars, and what she could only guess were people. Michael drew exceptionally well, but these drawings could be placed in a kindergarten and no one would know the wiser. He stared at her wide eyed, completely frozen. She’d clearly interrupted something she shouldn’t have. Whatever ‘that’ was. 

_ No going back now. _

He scooted further into the corner when she took a step closer. Finally facing her, she noticed the green stuffed bear clutched in his right arm. It was a pretty basic button eyed plush with a shiny black nose and yellow ribbon bowtie. He clutched it tighter and whimpered when she stared at it. His eyes… Michael’s eyes always had an innocent shine to them. But at that moment, that innocence was all but glowing. 

“Hey buddy. That’s a nice bear ya got there. What’s his name?”

He looked up at her fearfully and let out another whimper. Realizing her mistake, Kiara crouched down. He visibly relaxed before eyeing her un-surely. After a few moments, his mouth slowly peeled open.

“Basha, girl,” he whispered shyly.

“Oh, pardon me. Sorry Basha,” she cooed, waving at the bear. He giggled at that before slowly crawling over to her. She stayed still when he raised his free hand to her hair and started playing with it. A wide grin slowly spreading on his face as he did. Kiara wanted to completely melt at his adorableness, but she still needed answers.

“Michael, do you know who I am?”

“Princess,” he giggled, twirling a lock of her hair. 

“Princess?”

“Kiara mean princess. You tell me dat once.” 

_ Well, he knows who I am. That's good. _

“Why’d you come down here baby? It’s awfully late, and you should be in bed.”

“Don’t wanna,” he grunted, sitting down with a familiar huff and pout.

“Can you tell me why?”

“Don’t have time when sun is up. Can only do at night.”

“Do what baby?”

“Be little, and play with basha,” he said, bouncing the little bear for emphasis.  _ Be little? _ That sentence held serious weight. She could feel it. Kiara didn’t get a chance to ponder why though when he let out a big yawn. It took everything she had not to die in a puddle of cuteness when he plopped a thumb in his mouth and laid down cuddling his bear.

“No, no, no baby. When we’re sleepy we sleep in a bed. Come on now.”

He whined when she forced him up and to his feet. She took his hand when his legs wobbled slightly, grunting when he slumped against her with another yawn. 

"Carry please."

"Not on your life pal," she huffed, standing him back up. She sighed when he stomped his foot angrily and started whining again. 

_ Fussy, what a surprise. _

"You want to sleep in your room or the guest room?" 

"My room," he yawned as she dragged him hurriedly through the halls. Only a few staff members stayed in Neverland. And Kiara was pretty sure Michael didn't want them seeing him this way. She shook her head when they finally made it to his room. As always, clothes littered the floor like fallen soldiers on the war front.  _ I'll scold him later, _ she thought when he flopped onto the bed.

"Not yet baby, you need PJ's." She searched through the battlefield of clothes and found his orange pants and night shirt. With much fuss, mostly on his end, she managed to get him in his pajamas and under the covers. A passing thought to take him to the bathroom crossed her mind, but she ignored it as she started to leave. She was halfway out the door when a tiny whimper made her freeze. Michael, left thumb in mouth, mewled like a kicked kitten as he reached out to her with his free hand.

"Kiawa schtay. No weave pwease. No weave."

_ Oh hell! _

She practically dove onto the bed and held open her arms. He wiggled closer immediately and curled up into her side. Warmth filled her when he snuggled into her chest and smiled around his thumb. 

"Kiawa, bwig sishter."

_ Whatever this is, _ she thought holding him even closer.  _ It's gonna be the death of me. And I strangely don't mind that. _


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael has an accident and his forced to confess an embarresing secret. Kiara calls in some help to figure out how to help Michael.

MIKE’S POV

The familiar sound of birds slowly woke Michael from his deep sleep. He’d always struggled with his sleep patterns. And his sleep always suffered as a result. Waking up exhausted was nothing new. But this time he woke up...rested. Dare he say it, refreshed. And his chest felt warm. Like when his mother cradled him as a child to put him to sleep. _ Mother…  _ But he was also warm-

“Mike. Mike! You’re squishing me!”

“Uh! Oh!”

He’d been so deep in his thoughts waking up he didn’t realize how tightly he was holding Kiara. But why was he holding her? And when did they get in his room? 

“I’m sorry,” he rushed out. “I didn’t mean to-I-I-!”

“Mike, it’s all good. But...um..do you remember last night?”

“Not really,” he muttered, rubbing his eyes. He remembered getting up to pee, and then walking around the halls. He liked walking around when his mind wouldn’t turn off. Something that had been happening a lot lately, and always at night. But after an hour or so, his head would get fuzzier and fuzzier before completely hazing out. The lingering sense of feeling small the only thing he remembered before waking up in his room. He just figured it was his body's way of getting the rest it was too often deprived of. But that didn’t keep him from waking up to unpleasant surprises. Like….

“Oh no,” he whispered, gripping the sheets. Kiara asked him something, but he couldn’t hear it as he ripped the sheets off with panicked speed. 

_ No! Not now! Not with Ki here! And in the BED! _

He could’ve cried at the giant dark wet circle surrounding his hips. Hell, he wanted to cry! In the beginning of his haze outs, he’d noticed his bladder getting strangely weaker. But he always woke up fine, though with a painful fullness near his stomach. It wasn’t until a month ago these accidents started happening. He looked up at Kiara. He tried to talk, apologize, explain, anything! But blubbering whimpers and whines were the only things that came out. 

“Mike it’s okay. It’s okay,” Kiara kept trying to assure.

NO IT WASN’T! He’d wet the bed like some un-toilet trained toddler. Like some BABY! Even as an actual child he hadn’t had these problems! He didn’t realize he’d started crying until he felt fingers wiping his cheeks. Kiara gazed at him with eyes only mothers could have. That fuzzy feeling was back, and the urge to cling to his friend was screaming inside of him. What is wrong with me!

“Michael,” she said in a soft, but stern voice that quieted some of his cries. “I know you’re embarrassed, and upset. But right now, you need to change those pants and wash yourself before you get a rash. Get up now.”

He glumly obeyed and made his way to his bathroom. Not in the mood for a shower, he twisted the faucet and filled the tub. Even if she wasn’t judging him, he still couldn’t help feel humiliated. Michael had many friends, but Kiara was definitely one of his most cherished. Though younger, she was an old soul with striking light brown eyes that seemed to see and know all. The kind of person you could trust with your secrets, set you straight when you’re wrong, and comfort you when hurt. How much he wanted that comfort now. The water was just turning cold when the bathroom door cracked open. He giggled when Kiara walked in with her eyes shut tight. 

Her right hand held a pair of clothes for him. She put them on the floor without a word, for which he was grateful, and left just as fast she came in. He lingered until the cold water became unbearable and forced himself out of the tub. He put on the clothes she left and plopped himself on the floor next to the door. His hand floated to his mouth. He parted his lips and swallowed his thumb without a fight. Unlike the bedwetting, he’d had this habit since childhood. When he was little, it was his middle finger that soothed him at first. 

But it was when he was seven, and touring had become a regular part of his life, did he make the switch. He remembered spying a mother and her little girl from the hotel balcony. The little things thumb clamped tightly behind her lips. Curious, he’d later locked himself in the bathroom to try it out. It felt strange at first putting the thick digit into his mouth. But the second he started sucking, his middle finger was swiftly kicked to the curb. 

Index finger rubbing his nose, he sucked for a few good minutes before forcing himself out of the bathroom. As much as he wanted to, he knew he couldn’t stay in there forever. Kiara would just drag him out eventually. She was scary like that.

She was sitting on the now re-made bed when he finally came out. The sheet he’d wet stuffed in the garbage pail by the closet. She looked him up and down, nodded before pointing the bed with her finger.

“Sit.”

He swiftly obeyed her command.  _ I’m definitely not talking my way out of this _ .

“How long?”

“How long what?” he said nervously. Shrinking when she glared at him warningly.

“Don’t play stupid with me Michael. How long has this been happening?”

“A month or so,” he admitted. “I don’t know why though. And it's getting worse. At first it would happen about once a week, but now it's almost every other night.”

“I knew I should’ve made you go last night,”she muttered to herself, hesitating when he asked what she meant. Getting frustrated, he sharply demanded her to tell what she knew. He felt sick after she finished recounting last night. He’d been acting like a child? And more worse, why couldn’t he remember it? The fuzzy feeling came back, but he quickly pushed it away. Now knowing what it probably meant, he was instantly afraid of losing control of himself.

“Oh…..what’s wrong with me?” he moaned. He had enough on his plate working on his new album, dealing with ridiculous media rumours, and being ready for another possible tour. He HATED touring! And now this. He sighed when Kiara placed his bear into his lap. Janet had bought him the plush last year for siblings day. He couldn’t sleep without it.

“Nothing is wrong with you Mike. And if even there was, you shouldn’t beat yourself up for it. Right now we should just figure out what’s going on? And I know just who to ask.”

KIARA’S POV

“Yeah! Uncle Mike!”

“Let’s play Pac-Man!”

“No, let’s shoot hoops!”

“Soccer! Soccer!”

Kiara chuckled as Kathy’s boys bounced around Michael like crazed bunnies. The three little things loved coming over to the Ranch, especially when Michael’s cousins were over. They’d dragged the poor man around like a ragdoll as they got up to no good. 

“Calm down boys. Tomas!  _ Deja de correr _ !” The littlest one froze immediately when Kathy scolded him. 

“Let him be Kat, they’ll be fine,” Kiara mocked shooing the boys outside. Michael looked back with a worried expression, but quickly chased after the kids with a happy laugh. 

“Still a big kid,” Kathy chuckled watching them race off.

“More than you think,” Kiara muttered. She sighed when Kathy raised an eyebrow. Motioning her to follow, Kiara led Kathy outside to the porch swing.

“Hmmm...I see,” Kathy said as Kiara finished explaining. 

"Well, you're the psychologist KitKat. What does it mean?"

“First off, SourPatch, he’s not crazy. Second, it proves right a new area of psychology some of my team, and a few others, are looking into.”

“What is it?”

“Classification theory.  **(None of what Kathy is about to say is legit science. It’s nothing but my own creation and take on little headspace.)** According to present theory everyone has a natural second classification: Caregivers, Littles, and Neutrals. Caregiver’s are people who are natural providers. Littles are people who...how do I put it?....have a younger version of themselves inside themselves, so to speak.”

“But don’t all people?” Kiara asked. “Childhood’s the most uninhibited time in all our lives. And when the reality of adulting hits, it stands to reason there’ll still be a child inside that just wants to play.”

“Now who’s the psychologist? Anyway, for Littles it’s a bit more  _ complicado. _ They have a need, a requirement the more I’ve learned, to let these younger parts of themselves out for certain periods. If they don’t, the consequences can be dangerous. In its simplest form, it’s a natural coping mechanism. And from what I’ve witnessed, people who deal with the most severe stress often have a very young headspace age. The youngest I’ve ever seen had to be at least ten months old.”

“That young?” Kiara couldn’t keep the shock out of her voice.

“Yes,” Kathy said, making the shock greater. 

“Well, Mike definitely isn’t that young. He was acting more like a toddler. Between three and five at least.”

“Doesn’t mean he can’t have a younger headspace. Some littles fluctuate between ages. But what concerns me is his inability to remember when he regresses. Littles are well aware of who they are when they do, and always remember when they age back. Michael not remembering might be because he’s rejecting that part of himself. Unknowingly, mind you.”

“Well he didn’t get much of childhood,” Kiara sighed rubbing her palms. “All he’s known since he was five was  _ work, work, work. _ He didn’t get many chances to just play and be a kid. And even if he did, it was short lived or put to a stop by his father or another adult. Maybe that part of himself is trying to protect itself?”

“Maybe, maybe. Though I’d need to observe Michael while he’s like this so I can make a more accurate assessment. If he allows it, that is.”

“If he wants answers, I’ll make sure he does,” Kiara huffed, putting on a smile when Michael came over with the boys. The six of them played for a while before the boys eventually knocked out on the living room couch. Kiara and Kathy immediately took the temporary privacy to corner Mike and explain their plan. 

“What do you mean ‘observe’?” he questioned, immediately suspicious.

“You’re not being turned into a lab rat Michael,” Kathy sniffed in offense. “I just want to assess you in that state so I can make appropriate suggestions on how you can deal with it. This isn’t some kind of disease or disorder Mike. And it can’t be cured like one. So I suggest you accept that here and now,  _ bueno _ ? I’ll be back after I drop off the boys with their father.”

Michael was none too pleased when Kathy left and Kiara went about letting his staff go home early. Kiara knew it was because of her and Kathy’s monopolizing of the whole situation. But she certainly wasn’t apologizing for it. If left up to him, he’d just ignore the issue and suffer in silence more.  _ I’m definitely not letting that happen. _

“But what if I do something embarrassing? Or say something weird? I’m not sure about this Ki,” he pouted an hour later. They were sitting in the kitchen munching on chips and pretzels.

“Do you think Armstrong was completely sure when he first set foot on the moon? No, but he still did it. Do you think the colonists were sure when they fought in the Revolutionary War? Heck no! But they still did it.”

“Well if ya put it like that,” he said sarcastically, groaning when she smirked in victory. 

“Mike, it’ll be fine. I’ll be right there with you the whole time. Nothing will happen.”

“Promise?” he said holding out a pinkie.

Promise,” she said, hooking her own pinkie around his. “Now, first one to the remote picks what we watch!”

“You’re on sister!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still not sure how often I'll update. I'm a real spur of the moment kind of person so please bare with me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kiara and Kathy talk to little Michael and get some answers. Michael has a tantrum, forcing Kiara to put her foot (and hand) down. Kathy then asks Kiara for a large favor.

KIARA POV

“Kiara? Kiara! Kiara Wafula you fat bear!  _ Despierta _ !”

Ki groaned when spanish threats roused her from her sleep on the couch. She and Michael had spent the rest of the day watching movies as they waited for Kathy. Both of them falling asleep around ten at night. Looking around, she sat up when she saw the left side of the couch empty.

“Where’s Michael?” Kathy asked, groaning as she moved a large duffle bag from her left arm to right arm.

“I think I know,” Kiara yawned, getting up. She led Kathy to the recording studio. The door was slightly cracked, and soft giggles could be heard inside.

“He’s in his headspace,” Kathy whispered with a doctor like nod. 

“What’s the plan here?” Kiara whispered back.

“Make him comfortable and get some answers,” Kathy whispered, tugging her duffel bag. Kiara meant to ask what was inside, but she’d find out soon enough. 

“Kiawa!” 

Michael clapped happily when Kiara walked in, but quirked his head when Kathy followed behind. Crayons, paper, and markers were all over the floor. And his little bear sat toppled over in a chair watching over the chaos.

“Hi baby,” Kiara cooed, kissing his head. “You drawing more pretty pictures?” 

He nodded and shoved a picture of a flower a little too close to her face. 

“I see it baby. I see it. It’s beautiful. Now Mike, I want you to meet someone. Do you remember who this is?”

He eyed Kathy suspiciously when Kiara pointed at her before nodding grimly.

“What’s wrong baby?” 

“Doctor. Doctors bad,” he whimpered snuggling closer to Kiara.

“Why are doctors bad?”

“Needles. They stick you, make your arm hurt. Don’t like it.”

“Well  _ niño _ ,” Kathy said crouching down, clearly trying not to laugh. “You don’t have to worry because I’m not that kind of doctor. I’m a doctor who talks to people, and tries to find out about how people think and why they think that way.”

“Oooooh, ‘kay. Wanna color?”

Kathy didn’t get a chance to accept or deny. Michael was already shoving crayons and a piece of paper in front of her. They spent the next hour coloring and chatting about random things. The three of them all looking like children, laid out on the floor. Micael warmed up to Kathy fairly fast and happily answered her questions. Though he kept a noticeable closeness to Kiara throughout. Kathy kept her questions light and simple at first. It was when he started getting blinky did she finally ask the more serious ones.

“So Michael, I know you’re little. But how old are you exactly?”

“I...ummm...four,” he said after counting his fingers.

“Oh, big boy. Now here’s a hard one. Do you know you’re a grown up sometimes?”

“Uh uh,” he nodded. “I play at night and big Michael plays during the day. But Big Michael don’t know I’m here. I don’t let him.”

“Why baby? He deserves to know, and it’s not nice to hide things from people,” Kiara gently scolded him. He pouted shamefully but quickly let out a stubborn huff..

“But if he finds out ‘bout me he’ll make me go away. He did it before.”

“When?” Kathy said.

“Joseph was being mean to Big Michael again. He was making him sad, me too. Big Michael was going to cry, but he didn’t want to. I twied to come out and help him cry. Mother say crying make you feel better. He yelled at me, said ‘STOP IT! GO AWAY!’. So I did.”

Kathy nodded understandingly while Kiara just pinched the bridge of her nose and groaned.  _ Of course… _ She knew exactly the day he was talking about. It was a few months back, just before she started noticing his behavior change. Joseph had been nagging Michael about a song he’d been working on and Michael had snapped back at him. The two argued and Joseph pushed a little too far with his words. He never told her what his father had said, but Kiara knew it was bad when Michael said how loudly he’d yelled back. Michael was NOT a yeller.

“Baby he wasn’t yelling at you. He was yelling at his daddy, your daddy. And he probably didn’t want Joseph to see him cry right then. You know Joseph doesn’t like that very much.”

“Yeah,” Michael muttered glumly. Now looking unsure as he processed what he’d been told. “But how you know he won’t push me away? I no want to go bye-bye. Want to-yawn-play. Want be with you Kiawa.”

“Well thank you. I like being with you too. But we can talk more tomorrow. Right now we need to clean up and you need to go to bed.

“NO.”

The stubborn pout from earlier returned to his face. Kiara braced when she saw his hands ball up and his body begin to shake when she repeated herself.

_ Meltdown in counting… _

**_3…_ **

“Now Michael, it's one in the morning. I know you want to keep playing but-”

“ **NO** .”

**_2_ ** _ … _

“Michael listen to-”

“ **NO!** ”

**_1_ ** _ … _

“ _ Michael Joe Jackson you pick up your things right now! _ ”

“ **NOOOOO! I DON’T WANNA! I DON’T WANNAAAA** !”

The tantrum he had would give any toddler a run for their money. Michael belly flopped to the floor and immediately began to kick, scream, and wail like a demon. Years of babysitting cousins and neighborhood children re-surfaced in Kiara within an instant. 

“Michael!” she said over his screams. “I am giving you ten seconds to calm yourself down and do what you were told! If you don’t before I get to ten, you are getting ten spanks on your bottom!”

He bolted up at ‘spanks’ with a brief look of shock before glaring and pitching an even harder fit. Ignoring Kathy’s watchful eyes, Kiara sternly began her countdown. A noticeable flinch hit Michael with every number. And Kiara couldn’t help feel bad when his cries quickly became fearful.  _ Stubbornness is the energy of fools _ , a voice echoed in her head, and she sternly agreed. 

“seven...eight.. **.nine** ... **TEN.** ”

His cries persisted, but they were soft whimpers of fear now. She settled next to him and maneuvered his lower half over her legs. Her hands went to remove his pants, but they quickly retreated. On or off, it was still gonna hurt. And memories of her own spankings, that were always bare, forced sympathy down her throat. Michael tensed when her hand slowly raised itself, and quickly braced when it came down. He tried to tough it out like a trooper, but he inevitably broke down by the fifth whack. 

“Ow! OW! I’m sowwy! I’M SOWWY!”

Guilt was eating her from the inside out like ravenous termites, but Kiara sternly continued administering her discipline. A huge sigh of relief filled the room when she gave the tenth and final whack. Michael was a blubbering wreck. He cried and cried into the carpeted floor as his bum no doubt burned like a hot pan. Kiara let him sob out his grief before sternly sitting him up.

“Michael Joe Jackson. I told you to pick up your things, and you did not. Did you?”

Head slung down, he shook it with a pitiful sniff.

“I told you to do something, and you did not. Did you?”

Another shake.

“You have a voice, young man, and I want to hear it. And look at me when I’m talking to you.”

He whimpered before raising his tear stained face.

“When I tell you to do something, you listen and do what you’re told. If you disobey me, I will punish you. Do you understand me Michael?”

“.....yes…” he croaked in a pitiful voice.

“Now I asked you to clean up your things. Do that now please.”

With tears still streaming down his cheeks, Michael glumly cleaned up his markers, crayons, and papers. Kathy, who had remained silent through all of it, quietly motioned Kiara to the other end of the control room.

“Nicely done,” she whispered with a smirk.

“He just needs a firm hand, that’s all. So what’s the verdict?”

“First off, you are definitely a ‘caregiver’. Second, I think I know how we can help him. If we can get adult him more comfortable with his headspace, he’ll be able to transition into it better. And start remembering, hopefully.”

“But how are you...what’s wrong baby?”

Michael, who’d finally finished cleaning his mess, had a tight scrunched look to his face as he bounced up and down and squeezed the life out of his bear.

“Have to pee…BAD.”

The panic that always came after a child said that hit Kiara like a freight train. Taking his hand, she sprinted Michael to the nearest bathroom she could find. Sound of a rattling bag signaling Kathy wasn’t far behind. Ending up in his room, Kiara hurried him into his bathroom when his whines grew louder the longer he held himself. With swift fingers, she unbuckled his pants, yanked down, and all but slammed him onto the toilet. Kathy, who was usually more energetic, eventually stumbled in with loud pants and a horrible glare.

“Sorry KitKat, but his bladder is weak. I wish I had some pull ups for him,” Ki sighed, remembering his wet sheets the other day. 

“Well, lucky for you, I do,” Kathy said, putting her bag down and unzipping the opening. Ki immediately peeked inside the canvas duffel. Bottles, pacifiers, coloring books, crayons, pull ups, blankets, and diapers sat in numerous neatly stiffed piles inside.  _ No wonder she was panting! _

“I keep this for emergency situations. Mostly for when the people we interview and observe don’t have enough supplies on them at the time. I figured we might have needed a few of them tonight,” Kathy smirked handing Kiara a pull up. 

Kiara took it gratefully and moved back to Michael. The latter quietly sucking his thumb as he looked ready to pass out on the toilet seat.

“The times you wish you had a camera,” Kiara giggled, taking off his pants. With a struggle, again on Michael’s end, she managed to slip on the pull up. Fluffy white padding sporting multiple pink teddy bears and red hearts. 

“What! I was in a rush and that’s what I grabbed,” Kathy snapped when Kiara gave her the side eye.

“Be happy he’s exhausted, because this would’ve caused another tantrum. And I wouldn’t fault him for it,” Kiara chuckled leading him to his bed. 

“It’s still serving its purpose, is it not?”

Kiara just shook her head and tucked Michael in. He whined a little when she pulled the covers over his shoulders, but quieted when she rubbed his cheek soothingly.  _ Sleep little one… _

"Ki?” Kathy started in a quiet voice. "Do you think you'd… do you think you'd be willing to be Michael's caregiver? From what I've learned Little's, especially ones Michael's age, don't cope well on their own”

"Kathy-"

"I know it's not fair of me to ask you! What with your business and all. But you're really good with him and Michael seems to respond well to your care!"

"Kathy I-"

"I know I'm being selfish, but Mike's my friend too and I don't want him to struggle anymore than he already does. You're one of the few constants he has in life, and I don't want him to lose that. So please-!"

"Kathy!" Kiara whisper yelled. Michael stirred slightly, making them both freeze, but he soon settled back. "If you'd let me talk you big dope I would tell you I'm fine with it."

"Really?"

"Really," Kiara smiled when Kathy sat next to her. "Ever since I met Mike, I always felt this need to protect him. Not like a lover, but more like a sister looking out for her kid brother ya know. And after finding out about this part of him...that need only got stronger. So I'll do it, with some time and again assistance mind you."

"Obviously," Kathy chuckled when she gave her a mocking look. "After that show he put on earlier, you're gonna need all the help you can get."

"Who are you telling?" Ki laughed laying down, sighing when Kathy did the same. _ Lord, what are we in for? _


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael finally begins to accept his headspace, and discovers a knew one. End of chapter revealing a new character who will soon find out.

**Michael's POV**

"No!"

"Mike!"

"No!

"Michael!"

"NO!"

"Just put it in your mouth you big baby!"

The past few weeks had been the most interesting in all of Michael's life. The only problem was deciding if it was in a good way or a bad one. He'd listened and agreed when Ki and Kat explained their plan in helping him remember and control whenever he transitioned. He was still unsure about the whole Little/Caregiver/Neutral thing, but he knew there was no point in fighting it.

Like it or not, it was a part of him. And he knew it was in his better interest to learn how to control himself if need be. When Kathy discussed the risks of repression and sudden regression with him, he'd almost had a panic attack. Regressing in front of Kat and Ki was one thing. But accidently doing it in front of others? God forbid, Joseph! 

That possibility still gave him nausea. 

They'd started out by getting him more comfortable with childish things. More stuffed animals (which made him very excited), a few new coloring books, some sippy cups, and a pack of pull ups. The pull ups still made him a bit nervous, but at least he was wearing some with blue bears instead of pink! 

The first week was the most difficult. Every time the fuzzy feeling that signaled he was regressing would come over him he'd get terrified and try to fight it. Kathy and Kiara would be right next to him telling him it was okay as he cried and attempted to reach that part of himself. But he ultimately ended up sobbing into one of their shoulders in frustration. 

By week two, he was able to finally embrace the fuzzy feeling and get a little bit closer to regressing. Ki finding out playing games like hide and seek or tag really helped. He was still blacking out with his regressions in between. But it was during the end of the third week that it finally happened. At first it felt like watching himself from outside his body. Like that part of him that had taken a life of its own was introducing itself. The next time he stepped closer, and then closer, and then closer. Until finally….he was inside. 

And GOD did it feel good!

The security, the innocence, the comfort of being able to play and not agonize over anything, or be scolded by someone. It was amazing. But Kathy,  _ ever watchful Kathy _ , began noticing more…. infantile behavior from him after he started getting comfortable. He was wetting himself more frequently, crying more often, and his already clumsy speech would sometimes drift into complete babbling. 

They knew his headspace age was four, but she began to wonder if he might have a younger one. So of course, they had to experiment. Ki bought a few baby toys and lined them up in front of him. The toys had mostly been for older infants, 21 months or higher at most. Only two had been for ones aged slightly younger, a rattle made to look like a microphone and a pretend set of keys. His hand had moved immediately to the keys. A much stronger fuzzy feeling taking hold when he began jiggling them. Next he remembered was him laying on his back giggling and cooing as Ki waved them over his head before blacking out.

That state didn't last very long, but Michael groaned knowing it was another he'd have to get comfortable with. And how much a part of him seemed to cry out for it terrified him. He'd kept quiet when Ki brought in bottles, and he smiled/cringed when she brought diapers the next day. But when Kathy came into the living room holding a pacifier, he couldn't hold it in any longer.

"I'm not sticking that in my mouth and that's that!"

"Michael at least try it," Kiara pleaded. 

"No! I'm not a baby!"

"Sure had me fooled," Kathy griped, rolling her eyes. He just stuck his tongue at her and crossed his arms stubbornly. Hating how much his mouth was crying for the damned things rubber nipple. After a moment of quiet frustration, Kiara suddenly walked over to him and gently placed a hand to his face. 

"Ki what are you-"

He was silenced the second she began rubbing his cheeks. He loved it whenever she did that, and it helped him when he still struggled to get into his four year old headspace. But he was moving far away from age four as she continued to rub his cheeks.

"Ki please," he whined in a faraway voice.

"Shhhhh baby, you're okay. It's okay. I know this is still a bit scary, but it'll be fine once you get comfortable. But you have to try first, alright?"

He nodded, but it only made his head more fuzzy. He saw Kathy pass Ki the pacifier and tried his best to protest. But the second the rubber nudged his lips he knew he was a goner. With lightning speed, he snatched the pacifier away, shoved it into his mouth, and sucked like there was no tomorrow. 

“Not a baby uh,” Kathy teased ruffling his hair. 

He just ignored her and snuggled deeper into Kiara’s chest. Loving the security he felt when she wrapped her arms around him. Not having his mother around was the thing he hated the most when he toured as a child, among other things. After getting a whipping at home, she was always right there to comfort him. Cooing in his ear and telling him it was alright. But on tour, there was no one to go to. Not that his brothers didn’t try to comfort him. They just weren’t they’re mother, and they knew it.

And now that he was older and more busy, seeing her was even more difficult. He still cried privately for her presence sometimes when things got to be too much, but he never let on when he did see her. He didn’t want her to worry. But in his headspace….

“... mama …”

“What’s that baby?”

“Mama,” he said louder, repeating it over and over as he snuggled even deeper into her chest. Now completely lost to his headspace.

**Kiara's POV**

“Mama mama mama mama.”

Kiara blushed as Michael continued to rub his head against her chest and repeat that word over and over. The word causing her face to warm more than his actions.  _ Mama? _ She knew this was a possibility after agreeing to be his caregiver, but-

“Overwhelmed?” Kathy asked, patting her shoulder.

“A bit. I’m just so used to toddler him. I didn’t think he’d give in this fast.”

“This headspace must be more relaxing for him,” Kathy said, rubbing his cheek. 

With a little effort, they managed to put him on the floor against the couch. Kathy yelped when he seized a lock of her brown hair and pulled with a curious giggle. Michael cackling when Kathy did the same to his own. Ki left them to their game and went to the kitchen to make a bottle. It was going on two o’clock and she knew Michael would start fussing soon. ‘Big Michael’ was snappy and irate when hungry, while four year old Michael was a hissy fit terror. Kiara could very easily imagine what a baby Michael was like. As if on cue loud whines started to sound behind her. She hurried when they began turning into impatient cries.

“ _ Hai! Hai! _ I’m coming baby! Mama’s coming,” she cooed sitting down next to him.

“Calling yourself mama already uh,” Kathy teased.

“Shut it Kat. Come on baby, open your mouth. Aren’t you hungry?”

Michael squirmed and turned his head back and forth to get away from the bottle's nipple. Ki forced to hold it back when he tried to push it away. Frustration started sinking in when his cries threatened to become wails. If he didn’t eat she knew he’d be inconsolable the rest of the day. And he was still struggling too much with his transitions to get out of his headspace if he did.

“Baby you have to help mama. I know you’re hungry, but you can’t eat if you don’t use the bottle.”

“Na baba,” he whimpered, trying to shove it away again. 

“You don’t want the bottle?”

He shook his head firmly.

“Then Michael how are you-!”

“Michael,” Kathy jumped in before Ki could snap. “You want milk, but you don’t want the bottle. Where do you want the milk from then?”

Michael, who looked relieved at finally being asked the right thing, snuggled deep into Ki’s chest and nudged her left breast with a whine. Kathy’s eyes widened when he looked up at Kiara wantingly. Kiara’s face burned so badly, she was sure it could rival the sun. 

This was too much far too fast! 

Four year old Michael may be a handful, but baby Michael was overwhelming! 

Though she was an only child, Ki had a plethora of younger cousins and neighbors constantly coming in or staying over during her childhood, and who she’d been more than happy to babysit and play with. Being a caregiver had always been a part of her. But the type of care her baby was asking her for required a deeper kind of motherly instincts. A kind she was unsure she could tap into, _if at all_. Kathy clearly saw her uncertainty and turned to Michael.

“Listen Michael, your mama doesn’t have any milk in there for you. So you have to use the bottle for right now. But when she does, you won’t have to use it ever again. Alright?”

Michael mulled over the information with a scrunched up nose before opening his mouth with a sigh. He downed the bottle, whined for another, downed that, and then happily spent the rest of the day as a happy, albeit whiny, baby. The evening eventually found them outside watching the sunset. Michael was napping peacefully in a hammock with his bear, his mouth steadily nursing a green paci with a panda on it. Kathy and Ki sat in some beach chairs on his left side while Ki's right hand gently rocked the hammock.

"We're gonna have to tell them Kiara," Kathy said sternly.

"You think I don't know that," Ki sighed. "But he's still so shaky right now. I don't want to set him back."

This conversation was one the two of them had been dancing around for the past few weeks. It would only be a matter of time until someone in the family found out about Michael's headspaces. The possibility of someone outside his family finding out an even bigger nightmare for all three of them. 

Kiara loved the Jackson family and saw them as part of her own. But like any family, she knew there were the ones you trusted and the ones you absolutely didn't. Latoya was out of the question from the very beginning. Not that she couldn't keep a secret or anything. Ki loved Toyota, as she called her. 

It was that no good  _ konoyarou  _ (bastard: Japanese) of a husband of hers Ki didn't trust. That man was as controlling as they come. And possibly, as Kiara had been long suspecting, abusive. Whichever the case, Ki knew that whatever Latoya heard Gordon heard by cruel default, and would happily spread around. If he found out, Michael's goose wouldn't be cooked. 

It would be burnt alive!

Telling Joseph was also not an option. Though he was old that didn't make him harmless. Kiara could only cringe at that possible scenario. All of Michael's brothers, especially Jermaine, were trustworthy enough to be told. But she and Kathy knew that Michael, like any younger sibling, wouldn't want to be seen as a baby by his older brothers. Not yet anyway.

So that only left…

"Janet."

"Janet."


	5. One Shot-Baby Michael

Michael’s morning had been a difficult one. He’d woken up already feeling small, but he didn’t want to give in to it just yet. He’d really wanted to finish working on one of his songs. Kiara had tried to get him to have breakfast, but when she started fixing a bottle instead of a plate he’d bolted right out of there. She’d clearly sensed his need to regress, but he was damned if she made him give in to it. 

He’d marched himself straight to his recording studio and stubbornly tried to work, but pushing away his need only made it stronger. Relentless even. By the time he was halfway through with his song, his body was shaking horribly. He’d ripped off the headphones and started pacing, trying to calm the feeling of insurmountable frustration. He’d wanted to throw a tantrum, a really _really_ **BIG** one. And he almost did, until the front of his pants had started to become warm. 

He’d foolishly forgotten to put on a pull up that morning. Something Kiara was constantly berating him to remember when she wasn't around. And if he’d just obeyed her from the start, he would’ve been wearing something much more absorbent. The minute his bladder was through letting itself go, he’d let himself crumble and wail like the baby he is.

His adult mind angrily scolded himself for his recklessness. But his baby mind could only sink into despair as he’d cried and cried for his mama, who’d been working on some paperwork in one of the guestrooms. He’d spent a good half hour crying alone before the door finally opened to reveal who he’d been wailing for. His mama rushed over immediately and cradled him close, cooing soothingly in his ear until he calmed down. 

“You’re okay baby. _Daijoubu desu_ **[Die-ja-boo des]** _. Daijoubu._ ” 

He instantly let out a happy gurgle. He loved it whenever she talked in Japanese to him, or Swahili. The beauty of the two languages could always soothe him when he was upset. As well as scare him when she got mad or irritated. Something he was afraid she’d be when she patted his wet pants. 

“Looks like you had an accident, uh? You should’ve listened to me this morning, right?”

He nodded with a pouty lip.

“Well that’s okay. Mama make it better, right?”

Helping him to a guest room, which was soon to be his nursery, she had him wiped, powdered, and diapered within minutes. Clad in nothing but a diaper and oversized t-shirt, he crawled around the room excitedly. He was ready to play with his mama now. She left to go get some things, toys he assumed. He immediately frowned when she came back with stacks of paper. _But he wanted to play!_

“Mmmmmm. Mmmm,” he whined cuddling next to her legs.

“Not now baby,” she said, not even glancing down.

“ _MMmmmm. MMMmmm. MMMMmm_ ,” he tried, louder now.

“No baby. I’ll play with you when I’m done.”

_PLAY NOW!_

Huffing, he gripped the sides of her desk and sat himself up. With one good swipe he knocked the dumb papers to floor, laughing when they swirled around like zillions of white planes. _Now she’ll play with me_ , he thought, proud of himself. Turning around, he immediately cowered under the sharp eyes that were now glaring down at him. _Uh oh._

“Michael Joe,” she said sternly. 

_No Michael! I’m baby! Baby!_

“What you just did was very naughty. And we both know where naughty babies go.”

“Na! Na ti ow! Na tiii owww! Pay!”

“Yes time out! Naughty babies go in time out,” she said bending down. With one arm under his knees and the other his back, she swiftly picked him up and walked him to his playpen in the corner. He flailed and whined the whole way, soon crying when he was placed in the infernal pen. He loved his playpen, especially when he took his nap. But he absolutely disdained it when he was in time out!

Time out was four minutes when he was a baby. Five when he was four. No matter what age, _it was still forever!_ He kicked and squirmed angrily, which actually helped pass the time. But when mama came over, no doubt to make him apologize, he just screeched in her face and angrily tossed his bear at her chest. This earned him another four minutes, which he cried all the way through. But when mama came over again he just held out his arms and whimpered to be picked up.

“Nuh uh. Don’t you have something you need to say to me first, young man?”

Michael puffed his cheeks and stubbornly looked away. _He didn’t mean to be a bad baby, but it_ **_was_ ** _her fault for not-!_ Panic surged when she stood up to leave. Throwing himself against the pens walls he wailed for the whole world to hear “SOWWY MAMA! I SOWWY!”

He all but tackled her when she joined him in the playpen and buried his head into her shoulder.

“I sowwy,” he whimpered again.

“I know baby. And mama’s sorry for not playing with you. I like playing with you. But the next time you want to play and I tell you I’m working, you won’t get mad and throw things.

Right?”

“Wight.”

“No what were we playing last time?”

“BUGGABOO! BUGGABOO GAME!”

“That’s right baby. Or should I saaaaaaay...my little BUGGA BUGGA BOO!”

Michael didn’t try to hide his laughter as his mama tickled his sides mercilessly.

“HAAAAAHAAA! ICKLES! ICKLES MAMA!”

“Really,” she said in mock surprise. “Then how about this?”

He roared when she blew into his tummy. Two of them soon doubled over in laughter as they played this way for the rest of the afternoon.


	6. Chapter 5

“Baby no. No, don’t touch that. No baby.”

Kiara sighed as she took another pen away from the little one sitting on her lap. Michael, who was comfortably in his baby space, suckled contently on his pacifier as he continuously messed with the objects on her desk. The feeling of being back in her studio was very cathartic for Kiara. She’d been on a hiatus for a while from her modeling business to catch up on her paperwork.

Most of it she did at home or Neverland, but she’d been missing her office. And since a certain someone was always bugging her to go visit her studio she decided for a change of scenery. Michael, four year old him at least, spent the first hour and a half playing in the playroom on the main floor. Kiara’s business was for all ages, but she knew _certain_ ages could be a tad…. **_disruptive_ **. 

Creating the playroom gave her, as well as the parents and waiting clients, peace of mind. After the playroom lost its shine, he played by her desk rather loudly with some toy cars her younger cousins had left behind. Next he trotted upstairs, with her in frustrated tow, to explore her themed rooms. 

It was around two o’ clock when he started regressing further, and Ki could only sigh in relief at the timing. Kathy was due to bring Janet by around 2:30 to see them. When she and Ki told Michael they wanted to tell Janet about his classification, he was shockingly very calm with it. 

But since Janet was the most progressive person Ki knew, it wasn’t that hard to figure why. She was just happy that Michael was his more manageable baby self, rather than his tantrum prone four year old self. She wouldn’t be able to live it down if he had a meltdown while Janet was there. 

“Come on baby. It’s almost time to meet your sister, and you can’t do that in a wet diaper.”

She carefully slid him down and chuckled when he immediately crawled over to the giant playpen in the corner. One of the themed rooms she had upstairs was designed for her ABDL clientele. The playpen was a favorite amongst her clients, and had been the perfect fit for her baby. She’d passed by the clothes rack for that room when she was dragging the playpen downstairs. And when her eyes fell on a pair of mickey mouse overalls, she couldn’t resist.

Michael, who adored anything disney, had clapped and babbled happily when she put him in the red jumpsuit. That thankfully had snaps at the bottom to make changing easier. They played quietly while they waited for Kathy and Janet. Michael let out a whimper when the front door opened and their voices started to echo from the front room. Ki just smirked when he quickly crawled behind her before calling out to them.

“In here guys!”

“Hey Ki!” Janet said with that always beautiful smile of hers. Kiara chuckled when she peered curiously at the person still hiding behind her. Who audibly whimpered when Janet stepped closer.

“He’s more shy as a baby, so don’t take it personally Jane,” Kiara reassured, laughing when Janet glared at her playfully. Janet’s real nickname was Dunk, courtesy of Michael. But Kiara never could feel the appeal of it, so she just dropped the ‘t’ and that was that. It drove Janet wild, so of course Kiara kept calling her that, but she eventually grew to like it. “It’s okay baby. Don’t you remember? It’s your sister Janet.”

Poking out from her back, he eyed Janet curiously before finally crawling into view. Janet crouched down curiously. The two siblings giggled when he poked at her nose playfully and babbled around his paci, “Ganet. Ig swisser.”

“Big sister? Mike I’m your baby sister, remember? I’m the youngest.”

“Nu uh! IG SWISSER!”

“Alright, alright,” Janet cooed when he threatened to start crying. Grabbing his bear, she started bouncing it around his lap and singing a silly sing. He laughed happily and tried to catch it, completely enraptured with this new game.

Kiara left to the two siblings to play and joined Kathy on the couch. She’d had the bluish green comforter brought into her office when her neck kept getting sore from passing out at her desk. Hell, if she was going to fall asleep at work she’d at least do it the right way.

“I knew this was a good idea,” Kathy said, smiling as she watched Janet and Michael play.

“Of course. Janet’s always been open minded. I’m just curious how the rest of his siblings will take it. I think we should tell Jermaine nex-ooh!”

“Ki you okay?”

“I’m fine, it's just my chest,” she groaned, gently massaging her now tender, and slightly fuller, bust. Michael’s want to breastfeed had increased greatly in the past weeks. Kiara, still unsure at the time, had tried her best to procrastinate as long as she could with the topic. But when she shook her head again and caused her baby to cry true tears of frustration one day, her motherly instincts practically bashed her over the head in retaliation. 

She called Kathy who got her in touch with a nursing couch, Ms. Lucy. Lucy, who was fully aware of Kathy’s research, was more than happy to help Kiara nurse her baby. The thirty two year old having actually helped other caregivers in Kiara’s position, as well as adoptive mothers.

Having a holistic approach, Lucy gave her herbal teas to take at least two times a day that would naturally help her lactate. Ki having to supplement that with breastpumps she had to use for two hours…every- **single** \- **_night!_ ** The pain she was feeling now paled next to the pain those horrid pumps created in the beginning. It was a natural part of the process, Lucy had explained. Openly acknowledging Kiara’s then need to rip her head off as her chest throbbed crazily.

Thankfully Kiara’s body, according to Lucy, seemed perfectly suited for nursing, and her breasts started leaking barely three weeks into her herbal regimen. Lucy ordered her to continue using the pumps for another week. Kiara forced to concede to the woman's knowledge when the infernal contraptions helped turn her random leaks into a steady, and slightly heavy flow.

During that last week, Kathy gave Michael bottles shaped like a woman’s nipple to suck on for at least half an hour everyday. That way he’d latch on the right way from the get go. And Kiara could be saved one less pain, _thank God_. The only thing left was to finally put it into action.

It was ten minutes after Kiara’s chest began to get uncomfortable that Michael finally crawled over to her with a hungry whine. Kathy nodded when Kiara looked at her pointedly and quickly left the room with Janet in tow. Michael plopped into her lap when she sat herself on the floor. He reached to pull at her shirt, but quickly frowned and sighed.

Shutting his eyes, he opened his mouth with a resigned obedience and waited for the bottle she knew he was expecting. Flipping up her shirt, she unhooked her bra as quietly as she could and gently pulled him closer. His eyes flew open when his mouth met her nipple, and he quickly looked up with shocked uncertainty.

She nodded her head and smoothed back his hair. He latched on hesitantly before giving a few delicate sucks. Frowning when he received nothing, he swallowed more of her breast and sucked harder, giggling when milk suddenly gushed down his cheeks. Eyelids closing, he snuggled closer and slowly found a rhythm to his suckling.

A sigh of content left Kiara as he nursed her right breast hungrily. The primal satisfaction she felt as she fed her baby was strangely intense. Her motherly instincts for him had been deep from the start. But when she felt the milk, her milk, flow into his mouth, and saw the look of serenity on his face, a strong beat pounded within her.

It wasn’t easy being told at sixteen that she had zero chance at motherhood without severe consequences to her body. Consequences that could send her straight to the morgue. Kiara had made her peace with her infertility long ago. And adoption was definitely an option she would utilize in the future. But that didn’t erase the dark feeling of loss that hid within her. And she still had those few nights where she would wake up with a wet pillow and tear stained cheeks.

But as Michael nursed and kneaded her breast, that dark feeling couldn’t help but shrink. It would never truly go away, she knew that, but it was comforting to feel it grow small and less painful. After ten minutes, she had him switch sides. He lasted for eight minutes on her right teat before his sucking slowed down, and he soon slumped against her with a loud yawn.

“Sleepy uh? Time for a nap?”

She chuckled when he nodded sleepily and slipped his thumb in his mouth. Placing him onto the couch, she replaced his thumb with a paci and gently placed his bear under his arm. He was out in seconds. Kiara rejoined Janet and Kathy back in the front office. Two ladies clearly having a serious talk.

JANET- “How’s Mike? Okay?”

KIARA-“He’s alright, he was just hungry. He’s napping now, so I’ll wait a bit before I take him home. What were you guys talking about?”

KATHY- “Janet just wanted to know more about all this. We were talkin about if he ever accidentally slipped when you weren't around. He only has you as a primary caregiver Kiara, but if something happens and you two aren’t together...

Kathy didn’t have to finish. Michael had made progress, that was certain. But it wasn’t enough for him to be fully trusted on his own just yet. He would still fight Kiara when she sensed his headspace rise to the surface while he worked and she’d demand him to stop so he could regress for a little bit.

These battles always ended with a meltdown, a spanking if necessary, and time spent in headspace much longer than needed had he just listened to start with. But these battles were, thankfully, infrequent. Just little eruptions that would blow once in a while.

It was moments of sudden intense stress that worried Kiara the most. Michael’s life was not peaceful by any means. Sure, he could find calm moments in between all the chaos. But between press, wants for interviews, new albums to make, current albums to finish, ridiculous tabloids, and a possible tour to take place next year, Michael was trapped in a constant state of rising and falling anxiety.

There were days where he’d be talking fine to Kiara or Kathy one minute, and then suddenly falling to the ground crying or having a temper tantrum the next. As long as she or Kathy were there, Michael’s sudden outbursts could be quickly assuaged. But Kathy, who could only be there to help so often, had a family of her own to care for. And Kiara, though his caregiver, had her job and own personal affairs to take care of every once in a while. Michael would have to be left on his own occasionally by default. But…

JANET- “Babysitter.”

KATHY/KIARA-”Uh?”

JANET- “From the sounds of it you need a babysitter for Michael. Someone to watch him when Kiara can’t be there. And I know the perfect person.”

KIARA- “Who?”

JANET- “ME.”

KATHY/KIARA- “You?”

JANET- “Well don’t sound so happy,” she huffed.

KIARA-” I’m sorry Janet, we don’t mean it that way. It’s just....Michael is a real handful as a four year old. It would basically be taking care of a six foot toddler who can do way more damage. Are you sure you could deal with that?

JANET- I think so. At least let me try.

KATHY- Not a lot of options Ki.

KIARA- Well…….

**NEXT DAY…**

JANET POV

“His pull ups are in the bag in case he has an accident. And if he gets hungry before lunch you can give him some graham crackers, but not too much or he won’t eat his lunch at all. When it’s time for his nap try to wind him down beforehand. Dim the lights, give him his bear, play soft music. If you don’t he’ll fight you. Oh, and if he gets upset-”

“Kiara if you fill my head any more it’ll explode. Don’t worry.” 

Janet sighed when Kiara cast her older brother another worried glance. After their conversation yesterday, Kiara decided to give Janet a test run. She’d go out under the pretense of work, leaving Janet with Michael for two and a half hours before coming back.

If Janet could manage him for that long, she could be Michael’s occasional babysitter. Janet couldn’t help feel a bit miffed at her friend's clear doubt. Michael was her brother! Four years old or 33 years old, she could handle him just as easily as Ki and Kathy.

Couldn't she?

“Alright,” Ki sighed, finally moving to leave. She kissed Michael’s head and reluctantly made her way to the door. Michael, who’d been playing on the floor, watched her with wide eyes of confusion as she opened the door, gave him a final wave, and left.

“Well Mike. It’s just you and me for a little while. Why don’t we go play...Michael?”

His eyes, which were still locked on the door, glistened with tears as realization began sinking in. Janet braced when his face scrunched together and he took in a large breath.

“Mike, it’s going to be o-”

  
“ **MAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA**!”


	7. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I kinda halfas*** this chapter lol Sorry, I've been having writers block lately and kinda shelved this story for a bit. But I'm definitely going to keep going with it don't worry.

JANET POV

  
  


EXHAUSTED.

That was the only word worthy of describing how defeated Janet was. She was laid out on the living room couch like a drunk sloth with a hangover while the cause of her exhaustion napped on the rug in front of her. Michael tossed back and forth fitfully, whining sleepily as he nursed his right thumb with harsh sucks. Little devil flat out refusing his pacifier when Janet tried giving it to him earlier. It was twenty more minutes before Kiara returned, and Janet couldn’t help her desperate want for the woman to hurry back.

Being the baby of nine siblings, Janet had often wondered what her older siblings had been like as small children. As far back as she could remember Michael, Jermaine, Tito, Latoya, Jackie, Rebbie, and Marlon had always been the ‘big people’. Randy being the closest she had to a playmate. So when Kathy explained about Michael’s headspace, Janet couldn’t help her curiosity.

No shock, he was absolutely adorable!

The sight of Michael with his bear and pacifier was enough to make anyone melt. And he was loads of fun. Michael was always ready for a good time. Something Janet was hoping they could’ve had when Kiara left. Needless to say, it was a disaster. Michael kicked and screamed like a devil for the first half hour. And when he realized his cries weren’t changing anything, he crawled into a corner and sucked his thumb angrily. Little thing refusing to move no matter how much she begged.

When lunch rolled around, and he was still sulking, Janet had no choice but to physically drag the boy out of his corner and force him onto a chair in the kitchen. He bolted away once, but when she gave him the deadliest glare she had when she dragged him back he settled with refusing his sandwich and juice as he cried pitifully again for Kiara. He managed a few bites and sips, after a few good warnings, but Janet conceded when she saw the genuine despair in his eyes.

She offered him a bottle of breastmilk, that he thankfully accepted without issue, and laid him down on the living room rug. He finished the bottle quickly and soon fell into the fitful sleep he was in now. Janet could only sigh in relief when the sound of the front door echoed along with Kiara’s voice. 

“Janet? Mike? How did….everything…” Kiara trailed off as she took in Janet’s exhausted state. Janet sighed when a knowing smile crossed her face.

“Should I even ask how it went?”

“He was an absolute pill. I don’t know how you do it Ki. I know Jermaine said he and him were crybabies when they were little, but I didn’t think this bad. Ki, I’m not cut out for this,” Janet giggled tiredly.

“Well not for lack of trying,” Kiara giggled back as she kneeled down next to Michael. She cooed quietly into Michael’s ear as she lifted him up. He smiled sleepily and snuggled into her neck with quiet murmur of ‘mama’. “I do appreciate the effort Janet, really. Thanks.”

“Well you're welcome, but that still leaves Mike without a babysitter. Who are you going to pick now? It can’t be some random rambo, they’d out him in a minute. And with how difficult he is they can’t be pushovers.”

“I know. I was thinking about it while I was out, and I think I figured out who would be perfect to watch this stubborn cub,” Ki smirked.

“Who?”

“The one person besides me that he can’t say no to. Big or Little.”

Janet mulled over it before breaking out in a knowing grin.


End file.
